Kamis, 14 September 2017

Parenting Adolescents - How to Apply the New Brain Research to Increase Your Effectiveness

Surprisingly, new research on the brain tells us that adolescent brains undergo a great deal of development during adolescence -- perhaps far more than previously thought.

Fine tuning of reasoning and the decision making processes occurs during this time, making it difficult at times for the adolescent to think logically. This may help explain the tendency toward risk-taking behavior, too. As teenagers become more independent, they engage in more adult-like activities and take more risks. However, they do not have the life experience to guide them, or to always ensure that their risks are safe, such as when they are engaging in novelty-seeking behavior.

Close Supervision

That's why it's important for adults to maintain close supervision of adolescents, without smothering them emotionally. Parents must strike a delicate balance between allowing the teen to become more independent while keeping up close supervision. This is a difficult transition to make for some parents, who are used to parenting a young child, and not having their authority questioned.

If the parent behaves too authoritatively, the teen may rebel or mistake the good intentions of the parent in a negative way, and the relationship may suffer.

Striking A Delicate Balance

It's an age-old question: How do you keep tabs on your teenager, and ensure a safe and healthy passage to adulthood?

First, it helps to learn all you can about adolescence (and dispel any myths), so you know what to expect. One prominent myth is the idea that adolescence is a hard developmental phase to go through and always a struggle. In reality, many kids breeze through adolescence.

Another myth is that teenagers and their parents cannot get along. Yet good parenting can make all the difference in the world.

Second, stop to realize that teens feel invincible at times and like to do unsafe things. They may actually feel or sense no danger, or get caught up in the emotion of the moment. This is known as the myth of invincibility, and refers to the tendency teens have to not recognize the dangers inherent in a situation . . . and to think they can endure dangerous ordeals or unsafe activities unscathed.

Peer pressure added to the feelings of invincibility can create a prescription for disaster.

What Can You Do?

Help your adolescent to be realistic about life's risks without nagging or insulting. Instead of forbidding certain experiences, consider helping to figure out a way to have experiences safely. Be sure that all the variables are analyzed, but leave the final decision to the adolescent, fostering a growing independence and self-confidence.

Encourage your adolescent to be responsible for decisions and mistakes. This is how the teen will develop confidence and gain the experience to be a successful adult. Avoid rescuing, allow your adolescent to experience the results of behaviors and decisions.

If a really bad decision is made - one you can't live with - then you can always shoot straight about it, and help your adolescent to make a better one. Sometimes you just have to say "no," such as when your teenager wants to do something that is highly dangerous or foolhardy. It may be helpful to negotiate, too. There is an art to this, and the use of finesse and tact are especially helpful.

Tips

1. Don't be a know-it-all.

2. Avoid acting like a tyrant or ogre.

3. Don't lecture. Lecturing turns kids and adults off.

4. Learn to listen and pay attention to what your teen is doing and thinking.

5. Talk, don't yell!

6. Watch for red flags: drinking, staying out until all hours, and disconnecting from the family are examples. If you see a sign something may be wrong, sit down and open a discussion with your son or daughter. Be advised, they won't tell you how they feel if they are afraid of you or fear your over-reaction.

7. Be a concerned parent who communicates honestly with your child. That means being there for him/her, and not being too busy with your own life to give your teen the attention he/she needs.

Additional Considerations

Adolescent brains are more sensitive to addiction, or repeating any enjoyable event/activity that releases dopamine, than adult brains. So the wise parent knows this and realizes the likelihood of adolescent experimentation.

The parts of the brain that are responsible for impulse control, such as the prefrontal cortex, undergo big changes during the adolescent years. Teens are not always well equipped to resist the new temptations of adolescence. Not all cognitive capacities are mature in the adolescent brain, making it hard for teens to always make good decisions.

Parents who understand this can spend less time criticizing their teenager for making bad decisions and more time relating to him/her. The latter will prove helpful to the relationship the parent has with the teen.

It is the relationship that counts when a parent tries to guide a teenager properly. The relationship matters far more than the rules or the consequences. Teens don't automatically behave out of blind obedience. If you want your teenager to obey you and to be able to talk to you, then avoid an authoritative or militaristic approach, and work hard to keep your relationship on good terms.

The Coaching Approach

Be a coach to your teenager, and not a judge or critic, and things will go much better. Kids will generally behave when they understand why you make certain decisions, and they have a good relationship with caring and involved parents. A close, trusting relationship is of paramount importance. If you don't have that kind of relationship with your teen, you can develop it.

Remember, adolescent brains are different. They are slower to develop to full maturity than once thought. No wonder it is often hard for an adolescent to make good decisions. Be understanding and supportive. Provide good supervision of your teen's behavior, and always take a proactive role in keeping a strong relationship with your teen.


Tidak ada komentar:

Posting Komentar